Coping with Unprepared and Ego-Driven Board Members (Part 2 of 2)

Here's the story:

I’m the Executive Director of a small, community-based NFP organization. Every month, I spend several hours preparing my ED report and putting together the entire board meeting package, which I send to board members a week in advance. It infuriates me when board members forget about meetings and cancel at the last minute. It's obvious that some board members haven’t reviewed anything beforehand, and instead of having real discussions, board members will often criticize me for minor issues like a typo in an email. It feels like they call me out to boost their own egos and deflect the fact that they are unprepared. How can I shift this dynamic? 

And here's my take:

Your story touches on two common, and frustrating issues: an unprepared board, and nitpicking board directors. To do these issues justice, I am addressing them in two separate editions of this column. Last week we talked about how to deal with unprepared boards. This week we’ll tackle overly critical comments from board directors.

Why boards focus on the small stuff

The ‘nitpicky’ behaviour you’re describing is, unfortunately, not uncommon at the board table. In my experience, there are three main drivers for this behaviour. 

• Misplaced energy: Most board volunteers want to perform their role effectively, but many aren’t sure how to do that. Without a clear sense of their role and how to fulfill it constructively, board directors can get stuck on minor details, providing ‘feedback’ where it’s not needed or wanted. In this case, improved role clarity and redirecting to a constructive focus can help solve the problem. 
• Communication and personality differences: Some people communicate in ways that can be perceived as rude or aggressive, even if that’s not their intention. Differences around cultural norms or neurotype are two common examples that influence how we perceive communication styles. There are many resources out there that touch on interpersonal communication, and coaching can be helpful to navigate difficulties in this area.
• Malicious intent: Sometimes, board directors will seek to intentionally undermine the ED. There are all sorts of motivations for this, but it’s usually related to power and ego, and it creates a very toxic work environment for EDs. This can look like harassment or discrimination, but more often, it’s a ‘death from a thousand cuts’ kind of scenario. I’m not sure from your story if this is what’s going on in your organization, but it’s something to watch out for.

Addressing disrespectful board behaviour

Obviously, the way you deal with a director’s misplaced energy is not going to work for a director with malicious intent. But whatever the driver of the behaviour, if you’re experiencing stress because of unhelpful criticisms at the board table, it’s time to address it with your board chair. If you haven’t already, have a conversation with your chair about the critical commentary, why it bothers you, and the standard of communication that you would like to see from the board. 

It is the chair’s role to set and manage expectations for board conduct during meetings. Ask them to review the board code of conduct with directors, and address any problematic comments as they happen. This approach should address the issue regardless of its underlying motivation, and at the very least, you will feel supported by your chair. 

Sometimes, board chairs won’t step up to manage bad behaviour at the board table - because of conflict avoidance, tricky power dynamics, or because they are the perpetrator. So if the board chair won’t address these comments during board meetings, you may want to do it yourself. A simple statement along the lines of “thanks for the feedback, let’s focus on the agenda item” can be an effective way to redirect or shut down the conversation (it may help to practice this in advance). 

When boundaries aren’t enough

It’s important to note that if there is malicious intent here from a board director, sticking up for yourself or setting boundaries may escalate the situation. You may be accused of being defensive or combative (especially if there are differences in social power at play). You’ll have to decide how much you can tolerate this behaviour. Is it a minor annoyance from one or two people that you can live with, or is it part of a broader pattern of disrespectful behaviour that is impacting your relationship with the board? 

If you can live with it, you may decide to take a ‘wait it out’ approach. Assuming your board has term limits (if not, start there!), your current board directors will eventually leave. Direct your energy into building a robust board recruitment process to attract competent, constructive directors. If it’s possible, bringing in a larger group of new directors all at once can rapidly shift the norms and power dynamics on a board. When new directors join the board, be very intentional about building strong relationships and setting clear expectations.

If you can’t live with the board dynamic, and your efforts to address the issue directly with the board haven’t worked, you may want to consider leaving the organization. Many EDs have been down the path of trying to ‘survive’ and ‘reset’ their board. This can be highly stressful, demoralizing work. It can take a significant toll, both personally and professionally, leading to physical or mental health issues, chronic burnout and a loss of confidence. For some people, it’s just not worth it to work for a disrespectful board, and it’s always okay to put your well being ahead of an organization. And of course, if at any point you feel that you are experiencing harassment or discrimination from board directors, you should seek legal advice.

Big Takeaways:

• A clear board code of conduct should include guidelines on how to communicate respectfully with the ED, and the best way to constructively share concerns and disagreements. It is the board chair’s role to address disrespectful comments during board meetings, and to hold directors accountable for their behaviour. 

• A robust recruitment process will help attract competent, constructive directors and term limits ensure that ego-driven board directors don’t overstay their welcome.

• It’s okay to walk away from a disrespectful or toxic board/ED relationship.